New Years…

As I walked around my local dungeon, intending to see this shitty year out with the same surroundings and people I saw it in with, I couldn’t focus on the moment.  I can’t shake the images I have from the times I played with my exes. Each piece of furniture has a different expression associated to it, each implement it’s own ‘ouch!!’ or ‘ahh!!’

It gets harder and harder to shake the depression that sets in. I keep dreading the idea of them playing with others, then I imagine it, and the depression gets worse and worse. The clothes they wore, the way their legs got shaped by their heels, the skin they showed, the stockings and garters the teased the eye, the corsets and tight tops accenting already beautiful bodies…

Then I feel them enjoying their lives. Without me. With someone else.

I wasn’t good enough. I failed. People wanted them. I was just in the way.

I struggle to find reasons to go on. It seems my purpose is to get close to someone then nudge them down their path of life, which has always been away from me.

…I struggle.

HEY JEALOUSY!!!

Yeah, it’s a song…I know.

It is also something I try to deal with constantly. People with better jobs or more money or nicer cars or more time…just stuff.

To relate this to the lifestyle, let me explain a little…again.

One thing that I enjoy is showing someone something new. I like being the first…probably THE reason I enjoy teaching. The enjoyment and the surprise and the gratitude you get to witness is incredible, at least to me.

Recently, I met someone. She’s an old friend, and we’ve never really crossed paths a whole lot in the past. We both had bad break-ups, and we both handled them badly. After some time, we somehow ran into each other again, and things just evolved on their own. Everything has been going great!! Nothing bad in the near future, either. I think we found in each other what we were looking for…and may it stay this way.

Not the point of this entry, though.

Jealousy….right. She’s been in the scene for a few years now. She’s tiny and flexible and eager to learn. Everyone that could jumped on the opportunity to do anything with her. This is the norm in the scene in my area. Anyone who is new AND just kinda good looking…or better…then they have a target on their backs. I am not a fan of it…too many predators, imo. This kinda happened to her. She came on the scene, people wanted to do things with her…rope…impact…the whole 9 yards. She enjoyed it all, obviously, since she is still very active and interested in the lifestyle. When the ‘new batch’ of newbies came along, though, she was practically discarded. Happens to too many people, and it seems no amount of warning can help.

Now a glimpse into my mind. Jealousy…something I imagine some other doms suffer from, but I’m guessing not many. Just a guess, mind you!! I’ve been wrong before…

I like sharing new things with people that are experiencing them for the first time with me. When I’m trying something that the other person has already done, I get a little jealous…and hesitant…and self conscious.  My thought is:

She has done this before, so nothing new to her.

She knows what to expect, so no surprises.

She shared this with someone already, so no new connection and not strengthening the relationship.

Completely one-sided experience, making it a complete waste of time for her.

So, because of all of this, when I am playing with someone who has ‘done it all’, I stick with light rope and some impact. I don’t go too much deeper. I don’t want to waste her time. She there to enjoy herself, right? Most good doms know that the bottom/sub controls the scene. If she’s not enjoying herself, then it’s not bdsm…it’s abuse. And abuse is bad.

There are a few things I’ll never do with my partner, since she has done everything already. It’s because of the jealousy I feel. It’s a weakness of mine that I am fully aware of and not proud of. She seems happy with our little scenes, anyways, so nothing is put at risk.

I do have stronger feelings that I want to share and talk about, just in case there are others out there that understand and feel all that I am trying to explain here, but I’m not sure how to word it. I wish I could get every newbie together, in one place, and explain all this. Maybe it would mean something to some of them. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just whining.

I wanted to bring this up a while ago, just as another element in the lifestyle that you may run into. Wasn’t sure how to word it, and really didn’t feel comfortable talking about it. I hate awkwardness, though, so I decided to throw this out there. A weakness of mine…

Like every other time, if there’s something you wanna ask or want to know, please feel free to hit me up!! I take requests ^^

Rules

K, now that the break up is final, after almost 2 weeks of going back and forth with her, I can try to get back to my original reason for keeping this blog open.

The continuing advancement of bdsm knowledge!

Today’s little nugget of information: Rules established in an agreed-upon lifestyle dynamic relationship…of any kind.

Most, in my experience, bdsm relationships have rules established between the people involved. Some like the control and being obeyed, others like being controlled and having structure. The physical view is very powerful. Watching someone demonstrate their feelings, to me, is so much more meaningful than just saying….really….anything. Actions speak louder than words, since anyone can say anything.

The rules are varied. So very varied. Where to stand when walking or sitting or standing at a party. What you are free to do and what you need to ask permission for. What to wear. How to ask questions. How to address each other. Physical boundaries. Verbal commands. How much are you both comfortable with in public or around family. The kind of rules pales in comparison only to the specific rules. Let your imagination run wild, guided only by your mental and physical reactions.

My rules, since this is my post ^^
In private:
Nude except for wrist and ankle cuffs.
When sleeping, chained to the bed. Either by ankle or wrist or collar.
Kneel or sit on the floor anytime you don’t want to stand, unless in the bedroom. Sitting on the bed is acceptable.
Ask before starting anything that will hold your attention for more than 10-15 minutes.
Must be open for play or experimenting as much as possible, with exceptions, of course.
Hair up if any play starts.

In public:
Skirt or dress at all times, unless too cold, then tights/yoga pants. The least amount of fabric as possible below the waist.
Closed-toe heels, at least 3″, unless a lot of walking is involved. I will inform you ahead of time.
Stand and walk to my left, half step behind.
Open doors first, unless there are 2 doors, then you get the second.
I will carry all your cards, money, and phone. No purse unless needed.
I will drive.
We will decide on plans before setting out.
If possible, you will have a plug in, with exceptions.

At all times, you will address me as ‘Sir’. In locations where this is not possible, you will get my attention by touch.

Of course, these are negotiable. However, if we get to the stage where you earn my collar, then these rules become non-negotiable.

As I said, these are only my rules. I have seen and heard other sets of rules that are more relaxed, and others that are incredibly strict. As with everything else, communication is key. Truthfully and completely lay out your cards, and be sure you both understand what is expected by everyone involved.

Anyone have any specific rules or ideas that they would love to have in their lives? Any curiosities? Questions are always welcomed!

Been a while

It’s been 2 years since my last post. You’d think a lot could happen in 2 years. The highlights:

Got into a relationship…kinda

Met another potential partner.

Then another.

Officially hooked up with the 4th that you didn’t even know was there.

Established a bdsm dynamic and advanced that slowly so that we made the fewest mistakes possible.

2 years later she leaves.

Then I went to a mini birthday surprise last night for my room mate.

Now we are all caught up. A lot of time went by, and I haven’t made any head way. The relationship was good, but it was destined to die. She had her plans and goals. I had mine. They were not compatible. I knew that about a month in. Why stay?

I love her.

We were friends for years before we started dating. We knew a little bit about each other. We never really hung out alone before, so we never had a chance to connect before, even though we wanted to…in one way or another.

After a little bit of drama at the beginning, which was all my doing and ended with 2 very pissed off females (completely my fault), we talked a little about our relationship. I showed interest in a dom/sub dynamic, and she agreed. A few rules were made, and she wore my collar. When we were together, everything was great, as new things normally are.

Then the red flags came. Biggest problem was, they came after I fell in love with her.

She lives with her parents. Neither of us were in a position to get our own place, so we had to deal with that, which was not a big deal. She got a job near my place, so it was easy to see each other on a daily basis if we wanted to. Every time we hung out, she observed the rules we set, and made me happier than I’ve been in a long time. I hated not spending time with her. However, her plans and goals separated us more and more. I came to dislike, then dread, then hate this ‘hobby’, as she put it, that kept us apart.

She has pets. Normally not an issue, since I do like animals. The issue came when she agreed to the dynamic, knowing her pets would keep us physically apart as much as her family wanted, since they watched the pets when she was visiting or at work. Living together would have fixed that. Living together would have also invited a whole other set of issues with the pets, especially since she wanted to breed them. I was kind of OK with them until the idea of breeding came up. She is WAY too young, in my opinion, to breed animals. Her whole life is ahead of her, and she wants to tie herself down NOW.

A lot of my frustration came from her agreeing with the dynamic and playing along, all while fully aware that it could not last. Maybe if I was more open about what I expected or wanted…

At the end of relationships, I get angry. Just pissed off. Then, the next day, I get depressed. I blame myself for everything that went wrong. My self assessment never comes out good.

My plans and my goals? A post of its own. It was not, and is not, compatible with hers. I could look back and think ‘I should have….’ or ‘She could have…’, but I see no reason for it.

The end is the end.

The emptiness…

Of being the top of random scenes.

Let me explain…

A close friend of mine voiced her feelings on this subject, and I’ve felt exactly the same way, more often then not, lately. Been a while since my last post, so ‘ere we go!

When negotiating a random, or pick-up, scene, all the pertinent information is laid out to make a safe and consensual atmosphere. This atmosphere breads trust. Maybe not much, but enough to make all parties involved begin to anticipate a fun time. Few people talk about aftercare during pre-negotiation. As important as the scene itself, aftercare is the wind down after intense feelings and emotions. The time is needed, uninterrupted, to allow everyone to regain their senses and become fully aware of their surroundings. Reflection on the scene and feed back is normally saved until after aftercare.

Aftercare is needed for both the bottoms as much as the tops. In my scenes, I take complete responsibility of every aspect, even aftercare. I expect the bottom to be in such a state of mind that they’re not aware of much besides how they are feeling, or how tired the scene made them. I’ve had more then one bottom fall asleep in my lap after a long, multi-orgasmic scene. Let them down from the bondage, and they fall right to the floor. I prop them up into my lap, and make as much physical contact as I can. This is only one way of many that I have given aftercare, and I make sure this time is completely uninterrupted by others, or even by me moving around.

Very few have ever reciprocated this. For some pick-up scenes, I’m not even needed for aftercare, as the bottoms partner will handle that. The scene would be flawless, and I’d be out of energy, and they’d be just spent! Right after the restraints come off, they fall into their partners arms. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, in fact I encourage that. I get a “Thank you, that was great!” and a hand shake from the partner. They go find a place to cuddle. and I start cleaning the toys and the furniture.

I go home alone, sleep alone, wake up alone, and go about my day alone. The moral?

Tops need aftercare!!

And now..the why, and this is why I wrote about this:

After a pick-up, it’s very easy to feel empty and used afterwards. For me, since I can’t speak for anyone else, I expect this part. Very martyr sounding, but it allows me to concentrate on the scene, and make the whole experience better for the bottom. The satisfaction I get from seeing them thoroughly enjoy themselves is enough for me, at that moment. The one-sided aftercare is also expected. The personal issues come much after the scene has ended. Feelings of being used are rare, but they do surface now and then.

Risks…there are always risks. Multiple sources of these risks. The most obvious comes from the bottom. What if I do something that wasn’t good, or was seen as non-consensual. Unintentionally caused harm? Found a land mine? A knot slipped or capsized? There are a hundred different ways to make a mistake, and the bottom, if they’re aware, will make damn sure you know they noticed. Any of these things can lead to a scene drop, and these are bad. Probably the only thing worse then safe wording out of anger. The risk is multiplied if the scene is a random pick-up. This make negotiations two-sided, and very important. This risk and fear should be the sole reason tops ask questions and keep open communication before, during..especially during, and after a scene.

Another risk I feel is the head space drop I get after doing a scene with a couple or for someone’s partners. These are the times that I can assume I won’t be part of the aftercare, since the bottom/bottoms have someone there for them already. Playing with couples is easily one of the most exciting and physically demanding acts I could do. So much to watch, complicated segways, extra body parts moving separately, restraints need to be a certain way, the area needs to be clean at all times. Balance becomes a huge concern…and I could go on and on. The head space drop I get comes after I’ve  had a chance to calm down, usually alone, and look at how they share the afterglow. I feel…mixed. A sense of pride at being the one that caused this bout of cuddling and closeness. Also a sense of loneliness for having no one to share with like that. Head space drop…more of a problem then most people know.

So then the question comes up…Why do pick-up scenes at all? Why risk, well, anything at all? Why give and give and know you’re not going to get anything back?

For me, it’s the reactions. The aftercare I’ve complained about here. Seeing that afterglow. Knowing that I caused someone joy and pleasure. Giving someone something they can not get many other places. Feeling the trust, and showing them their trust is safe. The risks? I avoid them with constant vigilance. It’s the reason I put my all into every scene, every play that I am involved in.

At the end of the day, the feelings of giving pass. The people I gave to go to their partners or friends. The play space gets empty. The door shuts.

I go home alone. I sleep alone. I wake up alone.

In the beginning, there was Void…

Or so they say.

I get asked a few questions from a close friend of mine outside the lifestyle. One question stuck with me. When did I know I was interested in bdsm? The short answer would be I was born this way. Much like how gays are born gay, or straights are born straight. There are many exceptions, of course. Not everyone in the lifestyle was born with the love of kink, and that is a conversation all in itself. This post is just about how I became interested, and when I knew I was a kinkster. I looked back and got very honest with myself, and this what I came up with.

It all started one day, must have been around that puberty stage, that I was just starting to be sexually interested in….well, sex. My uncle had some vanilla porn that I used to watch when he wasn’t around. It was fun to watch, but really didn’t do much for me. The human body just wasn’t enough. I didn’t know why, and I felt weird about it, since all my friends talked so highly about porn and normal sex. I never had much to say in those conversations.

A few years later, I heard of people being held down during sex, and really enjoying it. I was sexually active at this time, around 14 years old (small town…), and thought I’d try it. That night, I held down my girlfriend’s wrists, and she reacted….unpleasantly. We didn’t talk about it for a few days, and even then just in passing. She didn’t like it. What really caught my eye, though, was how she reacted during the sex. I can still see her face and the smallest glimpse of fear and worry. I was hooked at that moment.

The journey, however, is not over…

We stayed together for nearly 4 years, on and off. All through high school. Tried little things here and there. She was humoring me, and had no interest in non-vanilla sex. We broke up not long before graduating, but my hunger for bondage of any kind was not sated.

I should mention now that I am firm believer in ‘actions speak louder then words’. All of my relationships were very physical. Maybe it was the age, but I never really talked to my partners about our relationships. I constantly tried to SHOW my feelings, and it seemed they all wanted to HEAR them, instead. Needless to say, my first attempts at getting partner into bdsm failed horribly. Soon after that, the internet made leaps and bounds in speed and availability at my home. I saw everything I wanted to do to people. Most of those things I’d never actually do…rape, kidnapping, ransoms, cutting. All not good stuff. At the time, that was all that filled my fantasies. The key thing here is the desire to have complete access to a helpless female. Having the ability to do anything I wanted at any time was a huge turn-on. However, I would never hurt her. In my mind, the humiliation she must have been feeling was enough, and the fact that I was not causing physical pain made me feel a bond…even though there was no chance there could be. I still felt protective of her. Such a weird set of emotions I had…

That feeling of protecting someone really turned me into how I am today. Showing someone they are safe when they are with me, whether there is trust or not, made me feel good. Relationships at this point became…work. Early 20s, and I did everything I could to show how I felt, while not expecting anything in return…until night. I wanted….needed…to make them helpless. Tied up or held down. I needed them to feel that no matter how under my control they get, I would never abuse that trust. I would never cross any lines. Even with good intentions, the act itself can be traumatic. Learned that the hard way. One relationship, though, thrived on the power exchange. After very little talk, we jumped head first into bdsm. We learned so much from each other, but not a whole lot ABOUT each other. The end of that relationship was….bad.

When I found the lifestyle, I was very unsure, and entered as a submissive. I played with a few people over that first year, and did not enjoy it very much. The tops did what they wanted, and they said they had fun, but I never got what I was craving or wanting. I got a lot of experience from that time, as well as frustrations, and soon tried my hand at topping. I watched many, many people play, and noticed the importance of body language. When I finally felt I had the competence to safely play with someone,  I tried a few different things. Cuffs, no rope. Floggers, no whips. No background noise. Plenty of light. Purely impact scene. I watched everything I did, and how she reacted. We talked a lot during aftercare. She really didn’t get a chance to relax…I felt so sorry about that, but I needed to know more.

Over the years, I found my niche in rope bondage, impact, forced and coaxed orgasms, and complete scene generating. All my thoughts about the lifestyle now revolve around what my next scene is going to entail. Looking back now gives me ideas for the future, and also clears up some foggy areas of my journey. Regardless, I am glad I ended up how I am today, even though where I am is another story…

So…is IT in you?

The question: How can I pull out or expose my partner’s dominant side?

The answer: Easily….unless it’s hard….

I’ve been asked this question many times in the past. I have also asked friends for their thoughts on this. For every 20 people asked, I got 20 different answers…and rightly so. It’s easy to talk someone into trying something. The hard part is getting them to do exactly what you want or desire. However, some people are just not wired to hurt others, or to abuse or take advantage, or to cause any discomfort at all.

There are many ways to start these experiments. First, however, there needs to actually be a dominant side to pull out. This is easiest found by just talking about it. Find out what they think about the idea of being dominant. Make sure your feelings are clear, too. They need to understand that you are completely comfortable with being submissive before they even consider being in a position that could…or should…hurt you. It takes a while before someone equates bdsm with love.

Next…well…this is where the ideas and suggestions start changing incredibly. Want to try rope? How about being held down during sex? Handcuffs are a great start, if bondage is something you want to play with more. A few ideas and tried and true actions that friends have told me:

He wanted her to be more dominant. He would show up with a chastity device on, and give her the keys telling her to hide an emergency key in his apartment somewhere, while wearing the other on a necklace. During play, he would take her hand, place it around his scrotum, and physically squeeze her hand to the point that he liked, making her feel what he desires and can handle. A few months later, after a lot of play like this, she became his mistress, and she has been enjoying it ever since. Not only with him, but with her current boyfriend and others that she plays with.

She wanted him to tie her up and tease her entire body. One day, she got home early and tied her self to their bed, leaving one wrist untied. When he got home, she called him in the bedroom and said, “I want you to tie my hand to the bedpost and leave me here while you shower and get cleaned up. When you come back, I want you to touch me all over and then fuck me as hard as you want.” She then grabbed his head and kissed him very passionately. He did as requested, tieing her free hand to the last bedpost, then left her there for nearly half an hour. When he came back, he kissed and teased her gently. She moaned and wiggled through it all. When he did finally get on top of her, he was so incredibly turned on by her helplessness and her reactions that the sex became the best they ever had. This led to a conversation the next morning about other things she would like, and his mind ran free from that point on. They are one of my favorite couples to hang out with, such is their energy when they are together.

She wanted him to be more abusive and aggressive in bed, but not so much in public. She would push him a little in public, talk a little too loud, say just enough around his friends to get him almost annoyed. Whenever he shot her that look…you know the one…she would whisper to him, “Get me back later.” One night, in bed, she climbed on top and talked about all the ways she pisses him off. She also kept hinting at how he could just take what he wanted, here and now. He flipped her over, held down her wrists, and tried to hurt her with a hard, deep fucking. She loved it! Again, the next morning they talked about it. Now, you can catch her talking down to him in public, then see her with a slight limp the next day. He is more then content with this change in their relationship.

These three examples worked. There are many more that I have heard, and a few others that I have seen happen. The key points are to show that you completely enjoy what is happening, and keep communications open. When a dominant is involved, the trust level of the submissive MUST increase, no matter how much trust there was before. Also, the submissive must voice what they like or didn’t like. These comments and concerns are much needed by the dominant. The dominant should not be afraid to try new things or ideas. Without input from the sub, fear of harm becomes a major factor.

Bottom line (pun), forcing the issue or covert persuasions can work, depending, of course, on the person involved. When all else fails, slow down a little. You can always go the ‘watch this porn and do that to me!!’ route.

Many different paths, many different outcomes.

Good luck to you and yours. And please, feel free to ask more if you want to know more. I have a wealth of friends with a plethora of experience. If I don’t know, I know who does.

In space, no one can hear you scream.

Well…depends on the space.

What is the goal to a bdsm scene? Well, that depends on the people involved. Did the top have a specific goal? Is the sub wanting or trying to feel a certain sensation? Is there an audience, and the scene is part of a performance? There are many different possible outcomes.

Joy, pain, fun or punishment. All that could be reasons for the scene. Breaking in a new toy or showing someone the ropes…pun intended. Experimenting with a new idea. Trying a new harness. Dilating an orifice. Or something as simple as using a scene as an excuse to cuddle or get physically closer to your partner. Again, many different reasons for scenes, all dependent on the people involved.

However, there is, for most people, a desire…some would say a need…to be in the right headspace for any scene. If your heart is in it, the scene can feel great. Every touch is felt. Every brush of skin on skin. The warmth of their breath on your neck, or the chill when they blow on the wetness left from a bite on your shoulder. All these bring sensation and feeling to the scene, either to set the pace from the start, add sensation and intensity during, or to end the dance with anticipation for next time.

There is more then just feelings, as anyone who has been part of a scene that became….more…then they expected. A mindset. A most rewarding chemical reaction. And, for most, THE reason to scene.

Subspace

A slow but consistent, and seemingly unending, release of endorphins. Related closely with ‘runner’s high’, where the pain feels good. Subspace is not only related with pain, as there are many reasons for this mental high. Feeling the rope move around your chest, then a tug as a knot is made. As the rope comes around again, their chest gently presses against your back. The rope strand pulls you closer and tighter. The endorphins start running, making all your nerve endings seek and desire more contact. This is just one example of getting into subspace. Some enjoy the gentle persuasions and slowly fall into subspace. Others need the sharp crack of the cane on their bare ass. Yet others need the vocal humiliation or public degradation to be forced into subspace. Many different flavors here, as well.

Once in subspace, a whole new world opens up.

More pain can be taken. Pleasure comes easier. Orgasm can be almost constant. Very persuasive and open to suggestion. Titles such as ‘sir’ or ‘mistress’ are used more frequently. The scene evolves. No longer needing to worry about how they feel about the scene, the focus shifts to keeping them in subspace as long as they can handle it. In this case, more often then not, the body will give up before the mind. Scenes of this intensity end with exhaustion, and aftercare begins after the short nap the body require, such is the pleasure endured. Even the word ‘pleasure’ takes on new definitions. A caress of the cheek causes the same pleasure in some that a smack of the paddle pulls from others.  

I’ll get into topspace in another post. The energy required to coerce a sub into subspace, and keep them there, is phenomenal.

For me, the point of the scene is to achieve subspace, the reason is to cause as much pleasure as possible, and the outcome is elation and an unforgettable memory. All of this is discussed during a long and gently held aftercare session.

In subspace, some may near you scream…

Equal and opposite

Reactions are the lifeblood of any scene.

When you flog someone, or grab their hair, or just step close and whisper, their reaction is what you’re looking for. A soft moan, or a bite of the lip….even just averting their eyes. To me, these little movements are what I aim for, and also what I use to dictate the rest of the scene.

However…over-reactions are easy to see and knock me out of my headspace. Now, not only am I watching for body language that tells me what I need to know to keep the scene safe and fun, but I am also watching for the little differences between reaction and the fake looking over-reactions. The scene becomes a chore. I am too caught up in watching for these little lies to be able to transition from one position to the next. I may be harping on this, but it is very important, at least to me.

At the local dungeon in Hartford, CT, there are a few that are obviously faking. They are fun to watch and listen to, however, they are not people I’d ever want to play with. The scene would be awkward. To keep their attention on what is happening, a blindfold would be required. To keep them from asking the crowd who is watching or what they think, a gag is needed. These are fun to use, unless the scene I have in mind requires her eyes and the ability to speak unhindered.

K, now to the other side of the spectrum.

Allowing your body to react naturally is truly rewarding to me. The scrunch of the back when the flogger hits a little too hard. The tip toe stance after the paddle leaves it’s mark on your bare rear. The way you try to pull your neck out of my hand when I whisper promises of discomfort for your very near future. The whimpers, the pouts, the soft cries, the running make-up, the half-hearted attempts to get away. All of these underscored with the faintest hint of a smile. Watching your nipples stiffen and tighten. Seeing you thighs just barely rub together as you try to hide your sexual excitement. These are my rewards.

Your used and beaten body laying on the floor, breath heaving and gently quivering after I follow through with all the nasty little promises you were given only an hour ago. Every touch pulls small convulses from your hyper-sensitized nerves. Watching you deal with this state of ecstasy until I see just the smallest signs of your return to reality. A soft blanket falls over you. I gently lift you up and hold you against my chest, keeping you aware of my presence and allowing the trust we built to allow you to linger in the afterglow of the fantasy you just experienced. This is the beginning of aftercare, equally as pleasing as the scene itself.

React honestly and naturally to everything that happens, and I will give you everything you’re looking for.

Always and forever.

Pleasure given is pleasure gained

At least, for me.

Some people would identify me as a “service top”. I make the pleasure of the bottom my priority. I adjust what I am doing to fit their reactions. I change intensity with their body language. I adapt the scene in accordance with their verbal ques. In short, if you react, I will make the scene better. Some bottoms don’t react at all. They stay still, don’t make a sound, and refuse to show “weakness”. As a result, I increase intensity assuming they are not feeling as much as they wanted to. Then, suddenly, the shoulders scrunch up, the torso turns, the face shows pain, the knees bend….all signs of actual pain. If we were fairly new to playing with each other, I would feel horrible for doing this to you. I need feedback as we progress to avoid this situation. Not necessarily a spoken word, but more body language. Relax into the flogging. Arch the back to accept the cane. Put your hands on your head to keep them out of the way of the rope. Smile. Make eye contact.

Unless, of course, we have a set scene in mind and I am expected to force these things on you. In which case, constant contact with your struggling body is all I need to know you are getting what you wanted.

I absolutely enjoy making mini-fantasies come true. I have the confidence to make these things happen, and the awareness to execute them safely. Ever wanted to be slapped and thrown around, then stripped down and put on helpless display? How about being loved and caressed, touched and felt, body to body, our mutual excitement building as the ropes slowly wrap your wrists, the tails of the strands trailing teasingly over your shoulders, desire building as your hands are lifted over your head and secured, never once losing the contact our bodies have made.

Opposite ends of the spectrum, and both as enjoyable to me as it is for the bottom.

The reactions make the scene.

Pleasure given is pleasure gained.